Happy December! It’s preparation time for being jolly, giving, etc. But it’s also the time for seeking. What is it that you want for this time of year, and every other time?

People always know what it is they want because they express it without saying a word. Gary Chapman wrote a series of books about love languages which speaks about the communication that goes on between people through their actions.

If you’ve never heard of the love languages, here they are:

• Acts of service – where you do for others without seeking a return
• Receiving gifts – always giving little things (or big ones) for no reason (or maybe for a big one) to see the joy in someone’s eyes
• Quality time – spending meaningful time with your loved ones
• Words of affirmation – praising for doing good or because you feel the love
• Physical touch – always giving hugs, kisses, rubs, etc.

When your mate or child or best friend demonstrates any of the above, pay attention because it is what they want you to reciprocate (only they don’t really know it). You may fill the room with material gifts but your mate may only want to spend the day with you enjoying your company. Your child may receive every current popular toy but only want to play with the old teddy bear because he remembered when and why you gave it to him.

When anyone’s actions are demonstrated by one of the above languages, you should know that they:

• Want you to demonstrate a kind act just because, not out of obligation (acts of service)
• Buy a silly something for them or give a hand-made gift (receiving gifts)
• Block out some time when you see they need it or surprise them with a day/night out (quality time)
• Express gratitude or give a that-a-boy for a change (words of affirmation)
• Give a hug or kiss for no reason (physical touch)

Sometimes it doesn’t cost a thing to bring joy and giving is more than buying things – especially if those things don’t really have any thought value. What is thought value? It’s what you give because you remember hearing them talk about something or see them looking at that just-can’t-have-it-right-now thing. But most importantly it’s knowing their love language and demonstrating the same.