Part of our makeup is an automatic inclusion of others in our lives – directly and indirectly. And one way of including them is seeing (or wanting to see) them in a certain light. When we do this, we anticipate certain results.

We set expectations, with or without our knowledge, and base them on our personal potential and ideals (or what we perceive them to be). The only problem is that we do not place them on ourselves, but on others. We anticipate or desire an equality in goals and dreams to be shared with our significant other, our children, our students, our employers or employees, our friends.

The question is: Should we be placing this burden on others, especially if we have not reached the goals and potential within ourselves and, more importantly, if they do not share these same goals and potential? Most often (but not always), we seek the completeness or potential from others where we are lacking. Some even go so far as to lay burdens on celebrities and become disappointed when a human frailty is exposed. Is this fair when we also have shortcomings?

It is natural to want perfect parents, a partner who meets your standards, talented and well-behaved children, and loyal friends. Wanting an understanding employer or employees who love their jobs would be great. Students who want to learn or dedicated teachers – these are all ideal settings. But are they realistic?

Food for Thought

“You only have one life, you know. One. And you shouldn’t try to live it around somebody who isn’t living his life around you.” The Forever Girl by Alexander McCall Smith.

When we expect others to think or behave a certain way, there is a potential for eating away at ourselves or devouring someone’s spirit. Get a pen and paper; list all the people who have a role in your life on one side. Think about your relationships with each and note whether you have set any types of expectations on any of them. Using another sheet, give an honest opinion of whether those expectations were to satisfy something for them or something for you. And decide whether you should adjust them by making them yours alone.